Working As An Intern: Go Easy On Yourself

Hello my lovely readers! This is a post that has been a long time coming but I *FINALLY* got an engineering job. Yes. You read that right. Your girl made her first step into the engineering industry and the first step to achieving one of her wildest dreams. Well, from the title of this post, you know I’m working as an intern. A structural engineering intern to be specific. During my time as an intern, I have felt like quitting about twenty times and as a result, I have learnt to go easy on myself.

I have interning experience. I have done two other internships prior to this one. What makes this one different, however, is that this is my first internship as a university graduate. A degree holder. I am suddenly expected to know everything there is to know about the field.

<a href=”http://Photo by ThisisEngineering RAEng on Unsplash” target=”_blank” rel=”noreferrer noopener”>Photo Credits

Going in, I had so many expectations. I was going in to learn new skills, add on to the skills that I have and simply be the best intern I could possibly be. And that’s exactly what I did until I ran into hiccups and started questioning how ready I was for this new chapter of my life. Did I really learn anything in uni?

You Can Also Read: How To Get An Internship (Student Version)

When I got to my workplace, I had heard from other interns that the place wasn’t really busy. I heard that while they did have tasks occasionally, they didn’t really get to work on so many projects and I was kinda bummed. I didn’t want to spend as much money as I was spending to get to the office to end up doing nothing when I got there.

Fortunately, and sometimes unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case for me. I always have work to do. Within my first two weeks of being there, I found myself doing my first full task using a software I had never used before. All my colleagues were going through the task easily and I was struggling trying to figure out how to draw a line at an angle.

I remember coming home one day and telling my mom that work was hard. The tasks were easy but executing them was just so hard for me because I didn’t really know how to use the software. I felt so bad about myself because when other people were starting their second task on the project, I was still figuring out the first one. During that week alone, I wanted to quit so many times and I just couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting it!

Me everyday after work.

I eventually managed to finish it and then started working on my second project. Yet again, the task is easy but the execution has really been killing me. I remember coming back home after a really bad work day, hormones all over the place and juts balling my eyes out because why even did I decide to get into engineering!

You Can Also Read: What I Learnt From My Internship (Student)

This post, is for anyone just starting out at their very first new job and those struggling with belonging in a new work environment. This post is for me.

While I struggled with all these things, I kept reminding myself of how I needed to be patient with myself and how I needed to show myself grace. I reminded myself to go easy on me. Here is why.

I Don’t Really Know Anything, But I Should Be Willing To Learn

Okay. Not anything. I made it through 4 years of university so I definitely know something. However, it is okay to not know things. That’s one challenge I found myself facing. I like to know things and not knowing was just stressing me out. So I had to accept my lack of knowledge but not dwell in it.

Photo Credits: PixaBay

One thing about me, however, is I will always be willing to learn. Be it stuff about my job, religion, social justice, etc. I’m always willing to learn and so even though I would go back home to complain to anyone who would listen, I’d still sit and read up on everything. Doing whatever it takes to learn. Also, asking 10000 questions. My boss knows me as the girl who will ask questions. If I haven’t been to his office in days, he comes to ask why I have been quiet or why he hasn’t been seeing me. Before, I used to worry that maybe I annoy him with my questions. That never stopped me though because I’m just trying to be good at what I do. My willingness to learn has always made up for my lack of knowledge and I believe that is one of the things that ensures I’m always given work to do.

I Have Six Months Experience, They Have Ten

This is not me trying to make myself feel better. Okay. Who am I kidding? It is. I used to feel so bad about not being able to draw things or design as quickly as people who have been working professionally in the industry for years. This was until I reminded myself that I’ve literally been working this job for less than six months. It is almost impossible for me to be as skilled or as knowledgeable as they are. They have learnt and gathered so much over the years.

<a href=”http://Photo by ian dooley on Unsplash” target=”_blank” rel=”noreferrer noopener”>Photo Credits

Thinking like this helped me feel better about myself and definitely lessened the pressure I was feeling. It will most likely take me a lot less than 10 years to learn what they learnt in 10 years but I’m not there right now and that is okay. I have learnt so much in my time here and I’m grateful for that. I’m definitely more experienced than when I got here.

7 months in and I’m not complaining about being behind anymore. I just complain about being tired and not sleeping enough but I am way past putting so much unnecessary pressure on myself. I am learning and that’s okay.

You Can Also Read: Chronicles of An Intern (My Internship experience)

I don’t write much about my profession but I do intend to create a section for it. I will be giving tips on internship as a graduate because compared to being a student intern, this is a whole different ball game. I can’t wait to share more on this!

What was/is your experience like working as an intern in your field? Please leave a comment and let me know!

Thanks for reading!

Wonani Xx

Date Night 1: Questions To Ask About The Man You Should Marry?

I know you’re looking at this and wondering why I’m talking about someone to potentially marry. I’m at the age where the marriage question and conversations keep popping up so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to pass that on to you. Also, I went for a bridal shower recently and I was reminded of everything you’re about to read.

Continue reading “Date Night 1: Questions To Ask About The Man You Should Marry?”

How I Got Back Into Reading And Found My Groove

Growing up, I was an avid reader. On average, I read about two books a week but as I got older, I had no time to read as much until I reached a point where I completely stopped reading for fun. The only reading I would do was read my university lecture notes.

Continue reading “How I Got Back Into Reading And Found My Groove”

How Is Your Heart?

How is your heart? It is not an easy question to answer. I was first asked this question while on a phone call with a friend. Frankly, I was taken aback by the question? It is not a typical, “How are you?” that demands “I’m okay” as a response. This question went a lot deeper than that and needed me to actually introspect. When I was asked this question, I was forced to think about how I was really doing, the condition of my emotions and where my mind was in that moment while, of course, not taking too much time because my friend was on the other end of the call, genuinely waiting to hear my answer.

You Can Also Read: Four Reasons Why You Need To Start Journaling + Tips To Get You Started

For this week’s blogpost, I thought it would be a good idea for me to bring this question to you. Let’s get a little bit interactive today. I need you to imagine we are in the same room, facing each other and having a very interesting and open conversation. I then ask you how your heart is and you know I really want to know. I offer to go first. Just to allow you to get comfortable. My response is quite personal and vulnerable. Prepare yourself for that.

How Is My Heart?

Quite frankly, my heart today is feeling all sorts of emotions. A part of me is confused, another part is excited, another is afraid and another part is at peace.

My heart is confused because I thought I had figured out “imposter syndrome” until two days ago. I stepped out and did something I had never done before. It was a good thing but right after I was done, I felt like I should have never stepped out in the first place and things would have been better if I just stayed back in my little comfortable corner. I have been feeling like I didn’t deserve the opportunity I was given and I shouldn’t have taken it because it just isn’t for me. My heart today feels like I should just quit the whole thing so that the opportunity never comes up again. I have avoided talking about the experience with anyone. I am, in fact, sharing this for the first time with you. I am actively avoiding any conversation about the same. My heart just feels like I should have never stepped out and I should have never taken that opportunity that was given to me. I didn’t fail, I just shouldn’t have done it. So my heart is confused because I thought I should have dealt with “imposter syndrome” by now.

Another part of my heart feels excited. Excited because of the so many good things that are on the horizon and I KNOW will happen to me. My heart is excited because I know I will be financially independent soon. I’m not right now but I can’t wait to be. That will lift a lot of burdens off my shoulder. My heart feels expectant for the changes I know I am going to experience and my heart feels ready for them.

At the same time, my heart feels afraid. Afraid of what the change will come with. My heart is also afraid of messing up at my job because I recently started working and I have so much to learn. I understand the need to show myself grace and be patient with myself but I just want to know it all now so that I don’t design a structure that could potentially fail due to my miscalculations.

My heart is also afraid that I may destroy a very important relationship because I seem to be making a lot of mistakes these days while at the same time trying to navigate change in the relationship. My heart is afraid of losing that relationship.

Finally, my heart is at peace. I know. It makes no sense as to how I can be feeling all these things but yet be at peace simultaneously. I recently embarked on a journey to rediscover God. I decided to really look into my spiritual life and I’m so glad I did. I have learnt so much about God and the reality of God in my life and everything around me. I am finding peace in the fact that God is good and God can only be good. At the same time, my heart is “unsure” when I think about how this will affect my physical life and the person I am. Regardless, God is always good.

That’s how my heart is. Now tell me;

How Is Your Heart?

You can share your answers with me in the comments section. Allow yourself to be as open and as vulnerable as you can be. It is important to be honest with yourself. Alternatively, you can write your answers in your Journal if you don’t want to share here.

I would love to interact with you and where possible, help you through whatever your heart is going through if you would want that.

You Can Also Read: Don’t Forget To Love

Thanks for reading!
Wonani Xx

Four Reasons Why You Need To Start Journaling + Tips To Get You Started

Life started changing very fast when I turned 18. I was experiencing so many changes in my life, at the same time that it became hard for me to keep tabs on everything. I just sat back and watched everything unfold. That wasn’t enough though. I needed somewhere to take my thoughts somewhere. I didn’t have anyone to talk to then so I bought myself a journal.

Continue reading “Four Reasons Why You Need To Start Journaling + Tips To Get You Started”