Hi everyone, before we get too far into this weekʼs post, Iʼd like to introduce myself. My name is Wana and I will be taking over ‘Dose of Wonaniʼ today. I’ve never made a blog post before but I hope youʼll enjoy this one because today, Iʼve been asked to talk about, “Letting go”. The process, the challenges and the satisfaction that comes with it. So letʼs dive right into it shall we? OK.
to stop holding something
to stop thinking about or being angry about the past or something that happened in the past.
Particularly, both of these definitions are what I am going to discuss in some detail and hopefully, youʼll be able to take away something from it.
Recognizing Toxicity and “Protecting Your Peace”
Have you ever been in a situation that you have known in your gut is not good for you? Or maybe a place where you have been in life that you were not comfortable, but you stayed in anyway, for a reason or reasons that simply were not good enough?
Personally, I have been in that exact spot more times than I can count in my life. Times when I knew that the position I was putting myself in at the time, would bring me nothing more but —discomfort and more hurt. I would come up with all sorts of excuses to say to my friends to try and justify my actions and reasons for staying. Claiming it to be ‘the lesser evilʼ or ‘the right thing to do.ʼ One time, I even went as far as saying “I know I can handle the pain better than they can,” and honestly looking back at those events now and those excuses that donʼt make sense anymore, I can honestly say, I did not deserve to put myself through any of that.
So how do you recognize or spot a bad/toxic relationship? There are a number of signs that will indicate your relationship or environment is a toxic one. Normally the signs are clear as day lol, but we will go over a few of the ones that helped me come to my realization. Hopefully they will help shed some more light on this, we need the clarity!
1. Constant Disrespect. Mutual Respect is a basic fundamental for any kind of relationship so if you constantly feel disrespected or undermined then something
most probably isn’t right.
2. Feeling drained. If instead of feeling happy and productive, you’re always mentally, emotionally, and even physically drained and stressed out, maybe you should consider taking a step back, or a couple.
3. Lowering your standards/ Makes you settle. If, you are constantly having to make
concessions in order to accommodate those around you, itʼs a telling sign that you need to recalibrate and relocate.
4. You feel constant discomfort. If, you have a constant feeling of insecurity about where you are and are constantly having to be reassured or wanting to be reassured about what youʼre doing or your standing position, then maybe you shouldn’t be in that position to begin with.
5. Never ending drama and/or challenges. Navigating through life and relationships isn’t supposed to be easy but that does not necessarily mean it should be difficult either. Sometimes (not always), if it’s not working itʼs probably because it just wonʼt work at all.
6. Feeling one sided. This is in addition to the previous point. If, you genuinely feel your
relationship is one-sided then chances are it might actually be. Be it because your efforts are going unappreciated or your needs are not being met.
7. Makes you unhappy. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be in an
environment or a relationship in which you are constantly unhappy regardless of the dynamics of your relationship. And yes, that does include your friends and your family because as much as it can be overlooked, they can be toxic too.
Finally, a lack of trust (on both ends), no mutual sense of understanding and poor communication (or lack there of) are also telling signs that helped me realize that maybe it was time to call it quits, because what is any relationship without the fundamentals?
So just weigh it out, pros and cons (you can literally enlist them) and after you come to your decision, and I cannot stress this enough, STICK TO IT!
So what next? Well—after establishing youʼre in a relationship that you have deemed to be toxic, the next step is simply (even though it might not be easy in that moment) to
leave and let go.
“Letting go doesn’t mean that you donʼt care about someone anymore. Itʼs just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.” –
Life is far too short to waste a second. So stop chasing the idea of the person or the ‘what couldʼve beenʼ and accept what they are today and accept what they are giving to you in the present.
Acceptance is the one of the hardest but also a very important part of letting go, because it acknowledges that there is nothing more that you can do to change the situation or itʼs outcome and it is also making peace with that realization. Although it might not seem like it at first, thereʼs power in that. Taking back the sole responsibility and complete control over your own happiness, independent of someone elseʼs feelings or actions towards you. Itʼll serve you better in the long run.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you donʼt.” –
This post is the first of a two part series. The next part, “Moving On” will be available next week. Be sure to like, comment and follow the blog too!
Stay safe, practice social distancing and stay home if you can.
Thanks for reading!