Hey everyone! I haven’t randomly written on my blog in a long time. I mean random as in I just start typing and go where my thoughts take me. That’s what I’m doing today. Zero planning. Just writing.
Early this year, I wrote about 21 things I’ve learnt in 21 years. One lesson was about how it’s important to address issues as they come and avoid just putting things that hurt on the shelf. I also said I would do a whole post on the same so now, because my thoughts are leading me in that direction, this is that post.
Last week, I found myself in a conversation with a friend about something I shockingly felt so really strongly about. It wasn’t a serious topic but had to do with forgiving someone for something. I was obviously for the idea that the person in the wrong be forgiven BUT they should understand what they did wrong.
Now, here is the catch. The offense was committed so many months ago. The person in the wrong doesn’t even know he was in the wrong. I won’t go into details about what exactly happened because
this is still an ongoing issue I didn’t get permission to tell this story. So, like I mentioned earlier, the person in the wrong, A, has no idea that he did something wrong and hurt the other’s feelings but B, the offended, goes around with all this hurt and anger towards A.
I understood all that and still felt that A has to apologise, of course after being told what he did wrong. A few days after this conversation, I realised something. I felt so strongly about this
stupid situation because I was in the same situation too. Again, I can’t go into too much detail about this because the person involved in the story reads my blog and has no idea I was actually mad about what happened. Also, the conversation is honestly not worth having now. A whole year and six months later.
The overview of my situation is that I was going through an extremely tough and rough time and this person, C, who I thought would have helped or been there for me, wasn’t. Of course at the time all that was happening, C empathized with me and gave an apology. I responded with, “It’s okay.” even though it really wasn’t, but I tried to understand where C was coming from. The truth is, I was hurt and I had no idea I was until over a year later. Maybe this comes with having high expectations for people or something (a story for another day). The catch here too is, C has no idea that I was offended and hurt by what was said and what was done. C just moved around freely while I unknowingly limited my interactions with them. I limited the depth of our relationship and eventually my relationships with others.
What am I saying? Sometimes people won’t know they hurt you or offended you until you let them know. If you decide not to tell them, then that’s okay. Deal with it yourself and eventually get over it. Holding on to things, knowingly or unknowingly, can negatively affect you, your relationships with others and how you relate with whoever offended you. I say unknowingly too because I had no idea I was holding onto that until someone else going through a similar situation exposed it.
This is similar to how sometimes people get out of a relationship that ended because of something bad that happened and just sort of convince themselves they are alright. Meanwhile, they don’t realise that all the unaddressed and unresolved hurt negatively affects their current relationships with other innocent people.
We tend to allow things we haven’t dealt with affect our everyday lives, relationships and many other things without even knowing it. Now, imagine me bringing this issue up to C now, who has probably forgotten about it. Is it worth bringing up now? For my situation, I don’t think it is. (Let me know if you feel otherwise). So upon realizing all that, I dealt with it internally and asked myself to let it go.
Don’t allow yourself to be easily offended. There are certain things that just aren’t worth getting upset about. If your friend, partner, relative makes you mad or does something to hurt you or offend you, I highly recommend telling them and then sorting it out from there. Don’t pretend you’re okay or ignore your hurt feelings. This saves you from walking around angry at someone who doesn’t even know they upset you. It saves all your other relationships and protects your peace too. So, let them know and work it out. I am a huge work in progress in this department.
Honestly, do what you want as long as you somehow and eventually let it go. Hurt people hurt people.
Also, in as much as things people do may offend, hurt, or make you uncomfortable, the person who may have put you in that situation could end up getting hurt in the process; trying to figure out if they hurt you or not because your attitude towards them has changed or something in those lines.
I recently read a devotional on the Bible App called Unoffendable. A friend was reading it and shared a few things from it. I got interested and decided to read it too. It has helped me positively. I already linked it but if you want to read about how you can stop becoming easily offended click here.
I hope this makes sense because I did not plan this at all. In my next post, I’ll flip the tables. See you then.
Thanks for reading!