Hey everyone! Welcome to this week’s post. I did not post last week because I had one of the most intense writer’s blocks I have ever had and nothing in my drafts was suitable to go up then. I’m back now!
Today we have a full transparency moment talking about insecurities. Insecurity is something that many people deal with. Surprisingly, I wasn’t insecure during my teenage/highschool years but outside that, I’ve battled with insecurities.
My post today is not about how to get passed body insecurities because that’s something I’m still working on. For the longest time, I didn’t realise I was insecure up until recently when I found myself unconsciously comparing myself to other people, or throwing out clothes because I didn’t like how the clothes I had brought out parts of my body I could do without.
Being insecure about your body can negatively affect you and how you relate with others. People who know me would never guess I have body insecurities because I had learnt to mask them and not really face how I felt about myself. Someone once told me, “It’s hard to believe that someone like you would have insecurities.” I am a pretty confident person but sometimes my body gets the better of me.
One guy I knew and “talked” to in the past once said something about my fingers which is something I used to be insecure of in the past. He cracked a joke about my fingers and called them “Mongers”. As in Monster+ Fingers. Guys. It’s funny now but it wasn’t funny then. I was really hurt by his comment but I didn’t say anything because he didn’t know I was insecure about that so I just let it go…
after posting a picture on Instagram with my fingers in full view and the caption “Mongers”. I did that to make myself feel better and it did help me, somehow.
It’s important to “deal” with your insecurities because if you know you’re insecure about something and don’t choose to work on them, sometimes you can end up “hating” or being rude to others who seem to have what you don’t or what you’d like to have, and I do not ever want to get to that point so I’m choosing to handle and deal with it now. Insecurities can also affect your relationships with others because you start thinking you aren’t good enough, or you don’t deserve good things. “Why would she want to be friends with me?” or “Why would he want to date me and not her?” and those are things that start to eventually affect self-esteem and confidence. It’s a chain reaction!
So today, I thought I would share this short story and what I have been doing to feel better about myself and about my body. I haven’t fully figured it out yet but I’m taking it one step at a time.
I’m very sure everyone is familiar with the 5 love languages. If you aren’t familiar with them, be sure to read more about them. Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are my top 2 love languages. Positive affirmations really make me feel loved so I choose to love myself like that. You’ll be shocked what a small “You’re doing great, Wonani!” or “You look amazing.” can do for you.
I know it’s a big ask but be patient with yourself. Understanding how you feel or working towards getting better or feeling better about yourself does not happen overnight. It will take some time for you to learn to love yourself, heal over hurtful things that may have been said or just do better. Be patient with yourself.
This is something I have been working on. Like yes I know I’m insecure about my body and I want that to change and I would very much like for that change to happen now. But it doesn’t work like that. Sometimes you feel good sometimes you don’t. It’s all part of the process, I believe.
Social Media breaks
I only realised social media, Instagram especially negatively affected me when I took a break from it. I know it sounds silly but it’s true! Now, you can either take a social media break or you can curate your feed. Doing both works the best I think. Sometimes social media fills us with unrealistic ideas of what we should be or what we should look like. Get rid of it or at least take a break from it. Especially if you know what you see there doesn’t help you feel good about yourself.
Also, you could make it a point to diversify your feed and only look at positive things.
Remember I mentioned the mongers? The person who said that probably wouldn’t have said it if he knew how I felt. I’m not saying go and tell every Jim and Jack about your insecurities but being vulnerable or open about your insecurities can sometimes be helpful in that others could relate to how you feel or they could just understand you.
I’ve honestly only ever openly talked about my insecurities three times. Twice with a couple of friends and the third time here. The first two went well because it turned out I wasn’t the only one battling insecurity and we were able to somehow help each other out and just positively affirm each other without it being awkward.
Look After Your Body
Anything that you care about, you’ll look after. If you do care for your body then you’ll look after it. How you do that is up to you but self-care goes a long way for my body. If I spend a day deliberately loving on myself and just doing the best for my body, I feel so good, I get more confident and I feel like I end up having a good week. Working out is part of self-care for me so that makes me happy.
I must say though, don’t kill yourself because of a diet but instead do things that bring you joy. Sometimes diets do more harm than good. They might help the body look how you want it to but destroy you as a person because you are denying yourself the simple pleasures of life. So be careful with those.
Get Rid Of Things That DON’T HELP
I used to be such a “cropped top” girl. but then my body started changing and crop tops made me so uncomfortable because I didn’t like how I looked in them. I got rid of them and stopped buying them altogether. Now, a part of me thought doing that was me falling prey to my insecurities but then a larger part thought that was me rising above them. I wouldn’t deliberately wear something that makes me feel insecure. So I got rid of what made me insecure.
All the things that don’t bring you joy or peace about your body, throw them away.
These are a few of things that are helping me in my journey to becoming the secure, confident and amazing person I am supposed to be. Finally, this goes without saying but don’t let your insecurities come between you cheering others on, being happy for others and being happy for yourself. Don’t let your insecurities win.
“You are all the colours in one, at full brightness.”- Jennifer Niven
NB: I wrote this post well over a year ago and just left it in my drafts because I wasn’t ready to share it then. I decided not to change the tenses or anything really because that was how I felt in that moment and that was real to me. So a little update: I’m in a much better place now, I love my body even though there are times when she doesn’t want to work with me. So, I hope my little tips help you and you’ll learn to love you!
Thanks for reading!