Hello everyone! Welcome to this week’s post and the third post in the “My Relationship With” Series. Last week I wrote about my relationship with family and the week before that about things I’ve learnt in relationships. It was so nice to hear from everyone.
This week, I take you along with me on my spiritual journey.

A little background here. I’m a baby Christian. There is so much I have to learn and so much I am yet to experience. I was born into a Christian home but I chose to follow Jesus on my own many many years later. I’m born again and I was baptised on 1st August 2015. I’ve literally grown up with God and knowing God.

My goal for my relationship with God was to grow spiritually, read my bible everyday, spend time in prayer, go to church and learn to actually listen/hear from God. For someone who has “been a Christian” for as long as I have, you’d think these are things that I should be doing without actually writing them down on my list of goals. You’d think these are things that come naturally.

My goal to read my bible everyday went well at some point. I’ll be honest, I think I’ve read the bible more this year than last year because this year has just been hard for me so that offered some comfort. But once things started looking up, I put it aside. I use the Bible App (You Version) and if you use the Bible App, you know it keeps streaks or keeps count of how many days you’ve used the app consecutively. So my streak was quiet high, I think I had almost 60 days as my highest this year and then one day I didn’t open the app and lost my streak then I stopped opening the app altogether. After this, I asked myself why I was really reading the “verses of the day”. Was I reading them so I could actually learn and spend time with God or was it because I wanted the number on my streaks to get higher and higher.
I feel if you’re going to embark on a spiritual growth journey, it’s important to be honest with yourself, where you are and where you stand because you can lie to everyone else including yourself, but you can’t lie to God. He knows everything.

When it comes to spending time in prayer, I’ve prayed a lot this year and that’s mostly because I have been through a lot. A lot of confusion, so much uncertainty and I just had questions that I wanted God to answer and so I prayed. I guess if you look at it from one angle, I actually did meet my goal and spend time in prayer. But now I want to make it a habit to pray not only when I need something but to pray always. There are times when I feel overwhelmed and don’t know what to say when praying but I read in Romans that the Holy Spirit prays for us when we don’t know how to.

“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves…”

Romans 8:26 MSG

My other goal in this area was to go to church. Last year I didn’t go as often as I would have loved to due to various reasons. But I purposed to actually make it to church every Sunday and not look for excuses. Shortly into the year, the pandemic happened and I didn’t get to go to church. When I wrote “Go to church” in my journal, I obviously meant physically because I had no idea we wouldn’t be able to meet in person. So if you are very strict about it and try to be difficult, I didn’t meet that goal but it wasn’t my fault. I have been attending church online and it’s been great. I’ve been to church more times this year than the whole of last year so that must surely count for something. Also, I still got what I would have gotten if church was in the building so it’s a goal met at the end of the day.

Lastly, to learn to listen/hear from God. God speaks to us in different ways. He will speak through the Bible, he will speak when we pray, he will speak through others (friends/random people) and sometimes through a burning bush or through a still small voice. I’m still learning to listen to God. He does speak it’s just that I’m not always listening.

God, however, is always listening. Earlier this year, I got an email from someone, which surprised me, and the person wrote something really good about surprises. That email was definitely God showing that he listens because the night before, I asked God if he could surprise me and literally when I woke up, I woke up to that. It was so exciting for me because that’s how God will use people to speak to you or to let you know he is listening.
I have had a number of moments where I felt that something wasn’t natural and knew that was God showing up.
I’m still learning how to listen, I’m still learning to listen to the still small voice but I’m grateful that even through all this, God never stops speaking and he never stops listening.

To sum it all up, I am not where I planned to be this year, spiritually. It’s been so tough. But, I’ve learnt really hard lessons on faith and trusting God. Trusting him completely. Trusting him with even the smallest and silliest of things.
It’s so easy to say but it’s hard to do. It’s been hard for me but knowing that God looks out for me and has placed people in my life to help me out, that keeps me going.
So much has knocked me down spiritually but I’m happy that God doesn’t need me to be perfect or unblemished. I make mistakes, I sin and so many other things, but I’m exactly what he is looking for. You’re exactly what he is looking for.

“God actually asked for imperfection. He could have told His people to worship Him with an altar of perfect, solid gold bricks. Instead, He asked for undressed stones. Even if our altar is made of imperfect stones, God still delights in our offering. Struggling, hurting, broken- it’s what He asked for.“

Hallelujah Here Below 5 Day Devotional from Elevation Worship

In the same way all other relationships need your time and effort, a relationship with God needs the same. God is always reaching out to us but we also have to make a move towards him. I actually don’t know how to end this so I’ll just remind you that God loves you. Mess and all, he still loves you.

So, you tell me what your relationship with God is like? Are you struggling or are you winging it? What’s one thing you’ve learnt about your relationship with God? Let me know in the comments below.

Thanks for reading! I’ll be back next week.
Love,
Wonani Xx