I know you’re looking at this and wondering why I’m talking about someone to potentially marry. I’m at the age where the marriage question and conversations keep popping up so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to pass that on to you. Also, I went for a bridal shower recently and I was reminded of everything you’re about to read.
I go to an amazing church in Zambia called Kingdomcity. About a month ago, I attended our first ever Date Night for single (unmarried) people in the church. I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen when we got there but I went anyway and I am so glad I did.
After playing games and having a lovely dinner, we sat down to have our discussion for the night. “The Man You Should Marry.” In our Pastor’s words, he was talking to the men through the ladies. Basically, telling them what to do to get their game up. I decided it would be a good idea to share what was talked about and share my thoughts on the same. I hope it sparks a good discussion.
Before I go any further, let me just add that everything shared here is from a Christian Biblical perspective and addressing the men. Don’t ask me why I’m not talking about the women. That date hasn’t happened yet. Additionally, I am aware that this can be controversial. The same way that I feel comfortable sharing my opinions and thoughts is the same way you should feel comfortable to share yours in the comments. All we need is mutual respect. Let’s proceed.
We looked at mainly three things that describe the man you should marry. Prior to this, I had heard, read and come up with so many lists about the man I would like to marry but I threw all that out the window once I heard this. Working. Worshipping. Waiting.
Is He Working?
What Was Said
The first question to ask is “Is he working?” This is not necessarily in a 9 to 5 job context. Working, in this case, refers to productivity. It refers to how they take care of what they are doing. It is not about what he is doing but about the fact that he is doing something.
Sometimes men can be so invested in a dream that is clearly taking it’s time to come to fulfilment. While not neglecting your dream, allow God, through your work, to lead you to your dream. He went on to say that everyone should be working. There must always be productivity because work inspires contribution and leads to consistency. This obviously also includes financial stability.
I thought it was a good question to ask. A great question in fact. I also loved that it wasn’t from a 9 to 5 perspective. It is important for someone to be occupied with something. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Seeing how committed a man is to their job or whatever work they do gives an idea of how responsible they are especially if they value their work. Also, just having something to do keeps you productive. I personally don’t enjoy doing absolutely nothing. Having too much free time is hectic because why aren’t you finding something to do? Why aren’t you coming up with your own projects? Again, these are my thoughts.
Is He Worshipping?
What Was Said
The second question to ask yourself is, “Is He Worshipping?” This was my favourite one of the night because while I knew I’d want to marry a God-fearing man, I didn’t think about it in as much depth as it was discussed last night.
Does he love God, God’s people and God’s plan? How strong is his yes to God? How does he serve? His love for God will change how he loves you. How sensitive is he to the spirit of God? A worshipper will always become a warrior for God. His “yes” to God will be his “yes” to you. If he can’t serve consistently, he is finding an excuse not to worship God.
I absolutely loved this part because I realized it is something I had neglected for a long time. Serving in church basically means serving God while serving others. I like this one because I am convinced our beliefs make up a huge part of who we are and how we act.
Worshipping God develops your character. Truly loving God helps you to love others. Truly worshipping God helps you when it comes to honesty and so many other things people may use to describe character.
I believe this is often overlooked because we think worship is only singing songs. However, we worship God with our actions too. We worship God by treating others with kindness, by being honest etc.
“How sensitive is he to the Spirit of God?” Is he even trying to be sensitive to the Spirit of God? Or is he going to church and reading devotions because of you? This is actually something I strongly dislike. If you’re going to do anything that could potentially alter the course of your life, make the decision yourself and for yourself. He has to want God for himself.
If he makes commitments to serve, he has to follow them through. Just like we do with whatever other commitments we make.
If I had to pick one, I’d say this was my favourite part of the night. It really shifted my mind.
Is He Waiting
What Was Said
Is he waiting? Why is he waiting? Is he waiting because of the girl or because of God? A man should be on his own “waiting” journey. One between him and God. Make the decision before any woman comes along.
Not much was said about this one or I didn’t take as many notes because I was stuck on the worshipping one. However, I do have thoughts when it comes to this topic of purity. This may be unpopular. I have decided to wait. What are my reasons?
My decision to be celibate doesn’t stem from a fear of the unknown. It doesn’t come from the fear of maybe going to hell if I decide not to wait. I decided to because I simply want to experience certain things with my husband and also I just want that to be something special. I also decided that it is one way I’m going to honor God.
I believe that before you get into a relationship with someone, you have to at least agree on the things that matter to you the most. This is one of them for me. So, if you ever want to date me, ask yourself if you are waiting. If you aren’t, keep it moving. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is waiting because I’m waiting. Waiting like that can be tiring and could potentially bring up other issues in the relationship. So if you’re going to wait, have your own reasons for doing it so that you aren’t easily swayed.
The entire date night experience was one for the books and really changed my perspective and provoked a lot of thoughts regarding my own relationship. I’m glad I went!
Now, please let me know your thoughts on the three W’s. Working, Worshipping and Waiting. Do you agree with the three, do you feel differently, etc. I shared my perspective and I’m extremely open to hearing yours. Leave your comments below and let’s get discussing! Also, what are some questions that you think NEED to be asked? Let’s talk about it in the comments below.
If you are in Lusaka and you would like to join the next Date Night, please DM me on Instagram and I will be sure to invite you when I have information on the next one.
With all this said, please don’t be expecting any marriage news from me anytime soon.
Thanks for reading,
8 thoughts on “Date Night 1: Questions To Ask About The Man You Should Marry?”
All of these are wonderful. I had never had the waiting question put across that way so that was interesting.
Can’t choose between them. They are all equally important but I love the Worship one too.
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Right?! They really are all important.
Thanks for reading! ❤️
I totally agree with all the W’s! My addition is on the first one. A man should be working but working purposefully. This life has JOB’s and WORK, which causes one to be able to differentiate between one who’s EXISTING and one who’s LIVING. Ask a MAN, if he would still do what he regards as ‘WORK’ if he had 10 days to live and make a difference. Which drives me to a point that even though he is working, a man should know what he wants by having a VISION. WORK has stages and phases, there’s a time to sow and a time to reap and God works to multiply (the parable of the three talents is a good reference for that). Work shouldn’t be done out of a heart of anxiety because the book of Phillipians clearly shows how we shouldn’t live by that instead pray always and give thanks (in whatever phase of WORK you’re in) in this case. And no matter how hard one works or how available one can be to work, one cannot invent OPPORTUNITY because the Bible is clear on that fact “the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise, but time and chance happens to them all” which clearly disqualifies how clever we think we can get about financial stability because God is the GIVER of work just like he provided the Garden for Adam and just like scripture says “He gives seed to the sower” and just to add on, scripture also talks about GOD being the one that GIVES Ideas to create wealth. All this does not mean one should sit back, relax and wait for opportunity, work should be done still but one should acknowledge the phase and season they are in as a man because even when the opportunity avails itself, A MAN HAS TO BE PREPARED, because again, scripture talks about STUDYING TO SHOW YOURSELF APPROVED. In conclusion to this, in as much as WORK is a fundamental thing for a woman to take note of, she should understand all these things that come with the package of WORK.
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Benaiah! Firstly thanks for reading. I appreciate you so much!
I love this so much. Definitely some added perspective and things to think about. I know you feel strongly about this. 😂 Thanks for coming through with facts and receipts!
I’m reading this book called ‘How to have your life not suck’ by Bianca Olthoff and the first two questions you asked are the first two she asks as well in the chapter about relationships. She puts these questions under VDQ, standing for Viable Dating Quotient LOL. Helps distinguish the guys you should date and the you guys you shouldn’t. So Question 1 was ‘Does he love Jesus?’ Question 2, ‘Does he have a job?’ Not really about a high paying job but about his work ethic and sense of obligation and responsibility. Question 3 ‘Is he friends with a bar of soap and a toothbrush’. Sorry this is quite long but the first two questions got me excited because of my current read
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Ooouuu that is so exciting!! 💃🏾
Also, sounds like a good read. Not my usual taste in books but I would give it a try. 😂
Question 3!! Very important. 😂
Thanks for reading Luu! ♥️
*Saves post for 2028* 😂😂
Because girl, just like you, I have no intentions of saying “I DO” to anybody’s boy child anytime soon!
Thanks for sharing!
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Yesssss. 😂 you and I both girl.