I know you’re looking at this and wondering why I’m talking about someone to potentially marry. I’m at the age where the marriage question and conversations keep popping up so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to pass that on to you. Also, I went for a bridal shower recently and I was reminded of everything you’re about to read.
I go to an amazing church in Zambia called Kingdomcity. About a month ago, I attended our first ever Date Night for single (unmarried) people in the church. I wasn’t quite sure what was going to happen when we got there but I went anyway and I am so glad I did.
After playing games and having a lovely dinner, we sat down to have our discussion for the night. “The Man You Should Marry.” In our Pastor’s words, he was talking to the men through the ladies. Basically, telling them what to do to get their game up. I decided it would be a good idea to share what was talked about and share my thoughts on the same. I hope it sparks a good discussion.
Before I go any further, let me just add that everything shared here is from a Christian Biblical perspective and addressing the men. Don’t ask me why I’m not talking about the women. That date hasn’t happened yet. Additionally, I am aware that this can be controversial. The same way that I feel comfortable sharing my opinions and thoughts is the same way you should feel comfortable to share yours in the comments. All we need is mutual respect. Let’s proceed.
We looked at mainly three things that describe the man you should marry. Prior to this, I had heard, read and come up with so many lists about the man I would like to marry but I threw all that out the window once I heard this. Working. Worshipping. Waiting.
Is He Working?
What Was Said
The first question to ask is “Is he working?” This is not necessarily in a 9 to 5 job context. Working, in this case, refers to productivity. It refers to how they take care of what they are doing. It is not about what he is doing but about the fact that he is doing something.
Sometimes men can be so invested in a dream that is clearly taking it’s time to come to fulfilment. While not neglecting your dream, allow God, through your work, to lead you to your dream. He went on to say that everyone should be working. There must always be productivity because work inspires contribution and leads to consistency. This obviously also includes financial stability.
I thought it was a good question to ask. A great question in fact. I also loved that it wasn’t from a 9 to 5 perspective. It is important for someone to be occupied with something. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” Seeing how committed a man is to their job or whatever work they do gives an idea of how responsible they are especially if they value their work. Also, just having something to do keeps you productive. I personally don’t enjoy doing absolutely nothing. Having too much free time is hectic because why aren’t you finding something to do? Why aren’t you coming up with your own projects? Again, these are my thoughts.
Is He Worshipping?
What Was Said
The second question to ask yourself is, “Is He Worshipping?” This was my favourite one of the night because while I knew I’d want to marry a God-fearing man, I didn’t think about it in as much depth as it was discussed last night.
Does he love God, God’s people and God’s plan? How strong is his yes to God? How does he serve? His love for God will change how he loves you. How sensitive is he to the spirit of God? A worshipper will always become a warrior for God. His “yes” to God will be his “yes” to you. If he can’t serve consistently, he is finding an excuse not to worship God.
I absolutely loved this part because I realized it is something I had neglected for a long time. Serving in church basically means serving God while serving others. I like this one because I am convinced our beliefs make up a huge part of who we are and how we act.
Worshipping God develops your character. Truly loving God helps you to love others. Truly worshipping God helps you when it comes to honesty and so many other things people may use to describe character.
I believe this is often overlooked because we think worship is only singing songs. However, we worship God with our actions too. We worship God by treating others with kindness, by being honest etc.
“How sensitive is he to the Spirit of God?” Is he even trying to be sensitive to the Spirit of God? Or is he going to church and reading devotions because of you? This is actually something I strongly dislike. If you’re going to do anything that could potentially alter the course of your life, make the decision yourself and for yourself. He has to want God for himself.
If he makes commitments to serve, he has to follow them through. Just like we do with whatever other commitments we make.
If I had to pick one, I’d say this was my favourite part of the night. It really shifted my mind.
Is He Waiting
What Was Said
Is he waiting? Why is he waiting? Is he waiting because of the girl or because of God? A man should be on his own “waiting” journey. One between him and God. Make the decision before any woman comes along.
Not much was said about this one or I didn’t take as many notes because I was stuck on the worshipping one. However, I do have thoughts when it comes to this topic of purity. This may be unpopular. I have decided to wait. What are my reasons?
My decision to be celibate doesn’t stem from a fear of the unknown. It doesn’t come from the fear of maybe going to hell if I decide not to wait. I decided to because I simply want to experience certain things with my husband and also I just want that to be something special. I also decided that it is one way I’m going to honor God.
I believe that before you get into a relationship with someone, you have to at least agree on the things that matter to you the most. This is one of them for me. So, if you ever want to date me, ask yourself if you are waiting. If you aren’t, keep it moving. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is waiting because I’m waiting. Waiting like that can be tiring and could potentially bring up other issues in the relationship. So if you’re going to wait, have your own reasons for doing it so that you aren’t easily swayed.
The entire date night experience was one for the books and really changed my perspective and provoked a lot of thoughts regarding my own relationship. I’m glad I went!
Now, please let me know your thoughts on the three W’s. Working, Worshipping and Waiting. Do you agree with the three, do you feel differently, etc. I shared my perspective and I’m extremely open to hearing yours. Leave your comments below and let’s get discussing! Also, what are some questions that you think NEED to be asked? Let’s talk about it in the comments below.
If you are in Lusaka and you would like to join the next Date Night, please DM me on Instagram and I will be sure to invite you when I have information on the next one.
With all this said, please don’t be expecting any marriage news from me anytime soon.
Thanks for reading,