“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”- John Green,The Fault in Our Stars
Hey everyone! It’s another week with Afrobloggers and the topic for today is to do with grief, loss and healing.
I recently shared a post here on moving on. In Moving On, Wana (the guest author of the post) writes about how experiencing loss helped him grow and how he is still struggling with moving on. He also writes about the healing process and steps that have been essential in helping him move on.
Hello Everyone! Welcome to the second part of last week’s guest post. If you haven’t read the first part yet, Letting Go, click here to read it first then come back to this one. Enjoy!
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Be it from an argument or a fight, trauma from past experience, a bad breakup or the loss of a loved one, moving on has never been easy!
In my opinion it has got to be one of the hardest things to have to go through and experience in this life. Honestly, I too am still struggling with going through this process and I donʼt imagine it will get any easier as time goes by but I can honestly say that experiencing loss has helped me grow.
For the most part, If I had not gone through loss, I would not be as appreciative of most of the good parts about life I had not been acknowledging before, as I am today.
More often than not as human beings, we tend to brood over feelings of hurt and let them affect how we treat the person or people who we feel have wronged us. Sometimes even the people around us who have no idea whatʼs going on with you can get caught in the crossfire of you trying to maneuver through your hurt feelings. So how do I move on from this pain/these feelings of hurt?
The Healing Process
I wouldn’t say there is an exact science behind this, because there isn’t. Every individual is different in how they handle their emotions and thatʼs what makes all of this a personal process. Your friends, your family or even your counselor can only help you
understand your feelings better or offer you advice. The healing, thatʼs the part you have to take responsibility for because only you can get you through it. Now having said that, the following are the steps I can highlight as being essential in helping me finally move on and I hope they can be of some help to you.
1. Do it in your own time. You donʼt have to rush into healing simply because the people around you think itʼs high time you did. Itʼs all about you, you decide when youʼre ready not anyone else.
2. Get closure. You donʼt necessarily have to do this by confrontation. Sometimes you take a look-inward and at yourself, assess your actions and make the necessary changes for the better. If you do decide to confront the person or people, I strongly suggest that you do it in a civil manner, have a conversation get the closure you need and it ends there.
3. Allow yourself to feel. Do not shelter away from feeling pain or from being sad. The longer you let that pain or grief sit inside your heart, the harder it will be for you to get it out and move on from it. I used to run away from pain. I spent months running and in the end I realized that what I feeling wasn’t going anywhere unless I dealt with it head on.
4. Forgiveness. I tried to keep this religiously neutral for the most part but on this particular step I canʼt think of a better example than that which comes from God. The Bible tells us that, to forgive is an act of kindness that helps other people heal in God’s light as well.
5. Talk to someone you trust. Even though healing is an individual process, you donʼt have to go through all of it alone. Talk to someone. An external perspective from someone you trust can help you see things you wouldn’t normally see on your own. A friend can also help cheer you up and make the pain easier to bear with their presence or support.
6. Restore your peace. Most of the healing steps weʼve looked at are introspective steps. Meeting new people, partying with your friends or doing whatever makes you happy are all involved here. Stepping back into your element, not letting the past dictate your
present and embracing your journey ahead.
“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. Itʼs openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox… but never stop trying to learn and grow.” –Tony Schwartz
Final thoughts: I hope you will be able to take something away from this post and apply it to your current situation. Just a reminder. Pain is a part of your experience, not something to run from or to escape because it will always be there. You will get through it. You just have to trust the process and trust in yourself.
You are fortunate to have known a love, felt its loss and moved on from it. One day itʼll all be worth it.
-Wana
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Stay safe, practice social distancing and stay home if you can.
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